How to Deal With a Verbally Abusive Boss - The Muse

How to Deal With a Verbally Abusive Boss - The MuseHow to Deal With a Verbally Abusive Boss While Ive been fortunate to never have had the horrific experience of dealing with a verbally abusive boss, I know not everyone is so lucky. In fact, one of my friends (lets call her Lori) is currently in a decidedly sehr workplace shes struggling to keep from falling apart or going red with rage at her managers blatant mistreatment. Her relationship with the boss was once so good that shed enjoyed dinners at his house. Shed met the wife and kids and thought things couldnt be better. Until one day when her manager started lashing out at her. He wasnt just being mean- he was way over the line. And it turned out, it wasnt an isolated incident.According to Lori, hes taken to calling her an idiot, asking her if shes retarded, and slamming his office door in her face. The job she once loved has turned miserable, and Lori doesnt know what to do, particularly because quitting isnt really an vorkaufsr echt at the moment. If this sounds all-too-familiar, then youll want to keep reading. Instead of sitting back and taking the abuse or faking sick days with hopes that itll stop on its own, here are several different approaches for dealing with the situation head on. 1. You Could Talk to Your BossIf your relationship prior to this point was amicable, then initiating a real, face-to-face conversation might not be out of the question. Simply request a meeting (best if you can find him in a non-rage filled moment), and say something like, I understand things arent going as well as wed like with name of project, but Im doing everything I can to work with you on it. If theres anything else I can or should be doing, Im open to knowing that. But I feel discouraged and upset when you call me names- and it needs to stop immediately.Of course, if this isnt an option for you- the very thought of addressing the abuse in person gives you severe anxiety- then youll probably want to skip down to th e third or fourth pieces of advice.2. You Could Send an EmailIf you deem the situation so fraught with tension, skip the in-person conversation in favor of a medium thatll, among other things, serve to document the unpleasant situation.Remember that this email could get to human resources one day, so be respectful yet firm, and include examples whenever possible. Sometimes, seeing insults written out, can make it very clear, very quickly that theyre unacceptable.Hi Boss Name,I know youve got a lot on your plate, and Im here to help in any way that I can, but Im extremely uncomfortable with the way youve been speaking to me. For example, when I did X and you responded with Y. Id appreciate it if you could refrain from calling me names when were working together.Your Name3. You Could Speak to a Team MemberLets say youve tried discussing this with your boss and nothings changed. He called you an idiot for asking a question that was crucial to doing your job. He claims to have said it i n jest, but whether or not its true, youre not OK with it. Is there a team member you can confide in? Someone he worked with previously or better still, who worked directly under him at one point? Any tips from someone in the know who could help you navigate this tense situation? This isnt a gossip session and should not be viewed as a team versus the boss situation. This is you trying to gain a foothold on whats going on so youre not resigned to starting a desperate job search. If nothing else, speaking with a colleague may make you temporarily feel better.YOU DESERVE TO WORK FOR A BOSS WHO TREATS YOU WITH RESPECTDont settle for anything else- begin the job search today.We have Tons of openings Here 4. You Could Pay a Visit to HRThis is a biggie, I know. Given the number of human resources departments that arent well-managed, figuring out if yours is one you can trust is tricky. And I dont advise you to take this step if youre truly uncertain. But, if youve gotten a good feeling ab out the personnel in this department, and your Sunday Scaries have reached new, heightened levels, you could do worse things than pay them a visit. According to HR expert and Muse columnist, Dorianne St Fleur, this is the only viable option Once your boss has crossed the line from horrible to downright rude and inappropriate, its time to involve your HR department. Your boss is effectively in control of your pay, promotion and overall trajectory at your company, so confronting him/her head on may not be in your best interest (no matter how hard it may be to resist).She explains that going to HR puts the incident- and your subsequent complaint- on record and gives you an opportunity to express your concerns to someone who can actually help. Oh, and if youre anxious about your manager learning of this meeting, St Fleur says dont be. Most companies have an anti-retaliation policy (or something similar) that says in no uncertain terms that treating an employee negatively because theyve raised an issue to HR will not be tolerated and can carry serious consequences.It would suck to have a horrible boss lash out at you, and no matter the basis of your relationship, you shouldnt stand to be verbally abused- even if you make a mistake or miss an important deadline. Dont take it personally is excellent advice, but its not always enough. Remember You have options. And if none of the above seem right to you, then it might be time to start thinking about quitting and looking for a new job. Photo of man frustrated at work courtesy of Westend61/Getty Images.